Banking with a Sudanese Donkey

By Dan Wise 

 November 1 2005

 I had just arrived in Khartoum (that's in the Sudan) on a 3 month contract for Petronas. This was my 10th contract flying in the Sudan. Most contracts had been as a pilot for the UN or the Red Cross, but this one was for a Malaysian oil company. The Government of Sudan liked Petronas because it was a Muslim owned and operated company.
  When starting a contract in Sudan, it usually takes a week or so for the work permit paperwork to be done, before a pilot can start flying. So with a few days to do nothing, I decided to visit a bank and see about opening an account with Internet banking, and see how to transfer USD to banks in the U.S. or Malta.
  Arriving at a bank, I see a large line coming out of the door into the 42C (107F) degree heat. The little Arabic that I can speak is, mostly pleasantries. Trying to establish the lines correct destination was a time consuming challenge. How do you say "Internet Banking and Foreign Currency Exchange" in basic Arabic?
  I eventually found out that this was indeed the line for Foreign Currency Exchange; however I was a bit confused as the last "person" in the line was a donkey. So I asked other people in the line, if I was behind the donkey or was he just standing there. They said that I was definitely behind the donkey as he had arrived in the line before me.
  The donkey was carrying about 15 crushed cardboard boxes, and some empty water tins. I was happy for the light load, as some Sudanese donkeys carry amazingly heavy loads. His one ear looks like it had been chewed on, and was missing about 6 inches off the end. I guess donkeys cheat in fights just like some boxers do. What a donkey would have that is worth fighting for escaped me.
  After another 10 minutes our line of mammals had moved about 5 yards. I was looking forward to the air conditioned inside of the bank. I was about 3 yards from the steps, but as donkeys are quite long, I contemplated cutting in front of the donkey to speed up my cooling off significantly. Do donkeys care if you cut in front of them? I better not...maybe that is why the mangled ear came into being.
  Just then a guard comes out of the bank. He wasn't even sweating. It must be cool inside! He had his trusty, rusty AK-47, and he walked right up to me! Did he know I was going to cut in front of the donkey? In better English than mine, he asks me to follow him. As he was headed back into the cool bank I quickly followed. Once inside...AAAhhhh Bliss!
 He took me straight to the Foreign Currency Exchange section and introduced me to a Bank Manager. I strongly object to preferential treatment and the cutting ahead in lines (with people that is). However I tend to be less strict when it is me that gets the preferential treatment. I gave a quick look before sitting down and saw the donkey was now at the bottom of the outside steps leading up to the main door. The manager explained that I looked Ferengi so they thought I might be rich.
  The word Ferengi is Arabic for a foreigner (and also the name of a Star Trek Alien species). I wonder which use of the word came first?
  The Bank Manager had a trainee manager with him and both were very polite. He asked me if I would like some tea or coffee. I said "No thanks", and they both frowned. Maybe “they” wanted tea and coffee. I quickly added "only if you will join me". They both smiled. I explained to them that I was an American (they both frowned) but I had been away from the United States for 25 years living in Africa (they smiled).
 They moved the conversation from whether I wanted sugar in my coffee to the US State Department’s policy on terrorism in a quick and practiced manner. It seemed that's what they really wanted to talk about.
  I explained that I wanted to send some money to the US (they frowned) but in the interest of world peace I was going to send it to Malta instead (they smiled). When they found out that the US IRS would see none of the money they were suddenly my good buddies. So we chatted about money laundering, terrorism, and the Great Satan's policy on terrorism. The manager said he really liked Americans, but hated the American Government. He said that America was a beautiful country, (he had been there twice) but the Government was meddlesome, both in America, and overseas. The American Government was only concerned with growing the American Government. He sounded like a T.E.A. party Libertarian.
  After very strong coffee, we discussed the many options I had to move money around. They advised me not to open an account in Sudan. If the US froze Sudanese assets, or the US did another missile strike against Sudan, then Sudan might freeze all Americans assets, and I would loose all my money. The topic again quickly moved to the Great Satan's policy on terrorism. The bank manager asked me if I had seen a blue Rockwell Saberliner at the airport when I was at the airport. I said I had. He said that it belonged to Osama bin Laden, but that he probably would not be arriving soon to get it. We all laughed at that.
 The manager then said I should stick with the trusted M&M (Malta and Mauritius) for my banking needs.
 I wanted to know about the donkey, so I used all my negotiating skills to move the topic away from terrorism and money laundering to the donkey.
 Finally the conversation got close enough, (something the manager said about Bush being an ass) for me to ask them about the donkey waiting in the Foreign Currency Exchange line.
 I asked "Why was the donkey in the line? Did he just want the air conditioning for a few minutes, or did he want to exchange money?"
 The manager looked at me and said "It is a she, not a he".
 Hmm... I wasn't ready for that.
 I was just about to ask how a Bank Manager would know the sex of a donkey outside his bank. But the two mangers were having a very rapid discussion in Arabic. They sure do talk fast. "With the speed of summer lightning" comes to mind. About a minute later the assistant answered. "Either A:the owner went to eat, or B:the owner went to the toilet, or else C:the owner went to take a nap." Then the Bank Manager added "But probably B and C because of A".
 The Bank Manager then told me the story of the terrorist Carlos “The Jackal”. Carlos was kidnapped by the French in a very bold raid and flown out of Sudan to France before the Sudanese even knew it. He was taken from a house a few blocks from where I live in Khartoum.
 I asked him what he thought about the 9/11 attacks. He said the whole thing was cruel and evil. The target should have been the American Government, never innocent people. But then he mentions that the only source of money to fund the US's war on places like Sudan comes from the taxes that all Americans pay. If you pay for a crime to be committed, you are still guilt of the crime. Are there really any “innocent” Americans?
 After saying pleasant goodbyes, and another quick talk about US State Department policy on terrorism I went out into the now 44C (111F) degree heat past the donkey that was next to go into the bank. He was (oops) She was sticking her nose as far forward as possible to smell the cool air. There were about 10 people behind the donkey. None of the people behind the donkey seemed to even consider cutting in front of a donkey. My morals and ethics must be a bit lower than the average Sudanese.
 I walked across the street to an Ice Cream parlor. It was very crowded because the customers don't go out side as the ice cream melts to quick. Most Ferengi fear dairy products in Sudan. Whenever I first arrive on a Sudanese contract I go to an Ice cream parlor and order two scoops in a cone, and a glass of local tap water. These makes me very sick for a few days, but then my body can handle dairy products for the rest of the contract. (I still can never handle the water).
 I stood inside the parlor with the other customers, and ate my ice cream. I thought about how mixed up the world is when …
...a Sudanese Bank Manager would be at home at a Libertarian TEA party convention
...people eat ice cream to 'get sick'
and
... only female donkeys do Foreign Currency Banking.